Meekness

I mentioned early I've been doing a bible study. In this study, Angela Thomas uses the Sermon on the Mount as a basis for her teaching. Of course out of the Sermon on the Mount... comes The Beatitudes. Tonight's lesson was on meekness. *Shocker*... it was just for me.

I've always wondered who in their right mind would want to be meek? I understand some people are like that, but who honestly just truly sets out to be meek?! I've always been an athlete, competitive and striving to be better. I want to stand out, be strong and confident. After all... isn't the definition of meek - weak? Meek means lack of strength or that you have no confidence or no backbone. I mean, I know God knows best, but is inheriting the earth really worth all that? Who do I have to become to inherit these things?

Well tonight I found out how much I really know. It boils down to a big fat not very much. I realized meek means 'well acquainted with your own flaws'. Meek is realizing that I'll never be enough and that I'll always need a Savior to complete me. It's about knowing it's just me... being humbled by that and in that moment, it's when Jesus can step in with his strength and give the blessing. Sound familiar? A favored scripture comes to mind... his strength is perfected in my weakness.

Meek doesn't mean I am weak. I've become too accustomed to wanting to shine in what I do or trying to find some glory in who I am. I want recognition or to cover my own flaws because showing I'm any less than perfect makes me appear weak in others eyes and there are days I think there couldn't be anything worse than that. I want to always appear put together and I want others to think I've just got it under control when most days I'm screaming inside. Meekness means all that's gone. The worry, the cover up, the 'fake'. When I am meek I'm comfortable with my flaws and my weakness, because in that comfort, I come to realize that I'm just a girl... a girl trying to get from one day to the next... a girl who knows she's not enough and knows nothing she can do will ever measure up... simply... a girl in need of a Savior.