The last few weeks have been very long. I could contribute it to the cold weather and the snow or to the lack of sunshine... but I know it's something else. It's that feeling you get when you can't wait for something that's coming and it feels like it will NEVER get here. Well my something's coming!! In a week I'm going HOME!!
I am so stinkin' excited about going home I can barely stand it! In 1 week I will board a plane in South Bend and a few nerve-racking hours later, I will arrive safely at my very warm home in Florida. I'm so ready to see my family. I'm ready to hug my parents and brother and hold on tight. I'm ready to go sit with my brother and talk for hours at our local coffee shop. I'm ready to see so many wonderful friends (Hi Suz *waving*) and catch up. I'm so anxious to serve on my first Tres Dias weekend and see all the wonderful things God has in store. I'm also ready to just sit back, relax and have a little catch up time with God.
When I sit back for a second and think about how excited I am about going home, it completely floors me. You see, a few short months ago, I never wanted to go back to my home in Florida, much less be excited about a visit. I am amazed and in awe of the healing power God possesses. If you don't believe he's in the healing business just take my word for it... he is. He has the ability and power to change lives and transform hearts. He can mend the broken and soften the hard. God has done an amazing, incredible thing in my family and the list could go on and on. I'm humbled at the work he's done and the forgiveness and healing he has allowed to take place. God is ready, willing and able... are you ready to ask him for big things?
Oh, and I'm not sure if you've heard... I'M GOING HOME!!!!!!
Friday, February 23, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Out of the Pit...
I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.
Psalm 40:1-3
Have you been to the pit? I have... many times. I've camped out there, I've been miserable there, I've cried there and I've absolutely thought I would die there. It's takes a lot to get out of it. It's never something you can do alone. God's pulled me out more times than I can count and used some really great people in my life to help me of other others. I know someone else who's spent time in the pit (if we're all honest then most of us certainly have)... my brother. The good news... he's no longer there.
My brother is only 15 months younger than I am. More times than not we felt like twins. We were close in age and close in attitude. We were both usually in trouble for different things. Aaron was hard-headed and would do the same thing over and over and I was manipulative and would find new ways to do whatever it was and still get in trouble. We played hard on teams with each other and even harder against each other. No matter how much we fought or how angry we would be at one another... if there was 1 person I could always believe would be on my side, it was him.
I can't even explain to you how honored I am to have the brother I have. He's been there for me and stood up for me at times no one else was there. He's been my biggest cheerleader and my most loyal fan. We don't always see eye to eye, but when it comes to pushing me along, it never seems to matter. You see, Aaron and I have both been in the pit. We've lived and breathed the pit, but we've both gotten out. I can't tell you how proud I am of my brother's fight to get out of the pit. I could go on and on about the difficulties he has faced in his life and the situations he's overcome to get out of it. He's fought tooth and nail to get where he is today and it's my turn to be his cheerleader. I'm so incredibly humbled to know him and even more honored to call him my brother. He's an amazing person and a witness and example for all. I love you, Aaron and I am SO very thankful for you... you are my hero.
Psalm 40:1-3
Have you been to the pit? I have... many times. I've camped out there, I've been miserable there, I've cried there and I've absolutely thought I would die there. It's takes a lot to get out of it. It's never something you can do alone. God's pulled me out more times than I can count and used some really great people in my life to help me of other others. I know someone else who's spent time in the pit (if we're all honest then most of us certainly have)... my brother. The good news... he's no longer there.
My brother is only 15 months younger than I am. More times than not we felt like twins. We were close in age and close in attitude. We were both usually in trouble for different things. Aaron was hard-headed and would do the same thing over and over and I was manipulative and would find new ways to do whatever it was and still get in trouble. We played hard on teams with each other and even harder against each other. No matter how much we fought or how angry we would be at one another... if there was 1 person I could always believe would be on my side, it was him.
I can't even explain to you how honored I am to have the brother I have. He's been there for me and stood up for me at times no one else was there. He's been my biggest cheerleader and my most loyal fan. We don't always see eye to eye, but when it comes to pushing me along, it never seems to matter. You see, Aaron and I have both been in the pit. We've lived and breathed the pit, but we've both gotten out. I can't tell you how proud I am of my brother's fight to get out of the pit. I could go on and on about the difficulties he has faced in his life and the situations he's overcome to get out of it. He's fought tooth and nail to get where he is today and it's my turn to be his cheerleader. I'm so incredibly humbled to know him and even more honored to call him my brother. He's an amazing person and a witness and example for all. I love you, Aaron and I am SO very thankful for you... you are my hero.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Let's get real
I went to a Beth Moore conference this past weekend. Hands down she is my favorite women's speaker. She's actually my favorite speaker period... just don't tell my dad that! This weekend she spoke on friendships. The first night was friendship with man and the morning after was friendship with God. She certainly rocked my boat.
Combined with the weekend, studying notes I'd taken down and re-reading scriptures she gave, I've come to several conclusions. Not only do we not know how to be friends to one another we have no idea how to be a friend of God. We settle for the mediocre life of feeling like God is only there to 'tell us what to do' and that he's not there to be a friend. We don't treat him as such and most of the time we don't want him as that. Of course because being a friend means we have to be close, we have to be vulnerable. If we lived more like God was our true friend, how much freedom could we experience?
I love how the message states 2 Corinthians 3:16-18:
Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We're free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.
We come to God with veiled faces. He's there... right next to us. Face to face with us desiring an intimate, meaningful relationship and begging us to take the veil down so he can look into our eyes, but we don't. We're scared or we're vulnerable or were just too stinkin' proud. We can't live in the freedom and the liberty God has called us to because we're too busy with this thing in front of our lives. We cover up our real selves and no one really knows who we are... since we're either ashamed of it or we're just too scared. When Jesus died on the cross God ripped the veil. We respond to that by putting up a veil of our own. I use 'we' because I'm right there... I live that life of having a veil up in front of God. I think I'm pretty tired of it. I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not with God. I can be real with everyone else, but God's a different story. Like he doesn't already know who I am! It gets old... living with a veiled face when I need to just get real and honest. I need to rip it down... tear it off, grab God by the face, put our foreheads together and look straight in his eyes and declare, "It's gone. I've ripped it down and I'm ready... ready to get real."
Combined with the weekend, studying notes I'd taken down and re-reading scriptures she gave, I've come to several conclusions. Not only do we not know how to be friends to one another we have no idea how to be a friend of God. We settle for the mediocre life of feeling like God is only there to 'tell us what to do' and that he's not there to be a friend. We don't treat him as such and most of the time we don't want him as that. Of course because being a friend means we have to be close, we have to be vulnerable. If we lived more like God was our true friend, how much freedom could we experience?
I love how the message states 2 Corinthians 3:16-18:
Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We're free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.
We come to God with veiled faces. He's there... right next to us. Face to face with us desiring an intimate, meaningful relationship and begging us to take the veil down so he can look into our eyes, but we don't. We're scared or we're vulnerable or were just too stinkin' proud. We can't live in the freedom and the liberty God has called us to because we're too busy with this thing in front of our lives. We cover up our real selves and no one really knows who we are... since we're either ashamed of it or we're just too scared. When Jesus died on the cross God ripped the veil. We respond to that by putting up a veil of our own. I use 'we' because I'm right there... I live that life of having a veil up in front of God. I think I'm pretty tired of it. I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not with God. I can be real with everyone else, but God's a different story. Like he doesn't already know who I am! It gets old... living with a veiled face when I need to just get real and honest. I need to rip it down... tear it off, grab God by the face, put our foreheads together and look straight in his eyes and declare, "It's gone. I've ripped it down and I'm ready... ready to get real."
Thursday, February 15, 2007
That's My Girl
My girls basketball team had a tournament this past weekend. I was really nervous about it because we have only had 1 other game and only a few practices because of weather, etc. I wasn't sure how the girls would do and I was honestly very apprehensive about the entire weekend. Had I prepared them enough? Did I teach them the right things? Do they understand what I've taught them? If you know much about me at all... I hate to lose.
I couldn't have been more proud of them. The girls completely stepped up and proved they were ready to win and ready to play. We won two games and lost 1. We only lost the 1 game by 1 point to the team that won the tournament... we came into the tournament as the last seed. Of course I had my moments of shaking my head because they would forget what I had taught them or not do what they knew they should... then I would have to call a timeout and remind them how they should play or remind them where they should go at a certain time. I had to remind them at times they could do this and they had the talent. I had to individually tell a couple of my players that I knew they could do it, but they had to know they could. In the end, the girls came out on top and proved so much to themselves and to me. I found myself so proud to say those girls were my team. I looked out at them when they would score a basket or do something great and I found myself so thrilled to say 'those were my girls'.
I got to thinking about it on the ride home. It reminded me so much of my relationship with God. He's my coach... he tells me what I need to do and shows me the 'ropes'. I have moments when I'm playing this game of life and I completely and totally forget everything I've learned. I screw up somehow and I lose track of everything. My Father shakes his head and rubs his hand through his hair... he calls a timeout and reminds me of who I am... he reminds me I can do it and shows me the play again and where I should be. He is right by my side cheering me on. He grabs me by the face and looks at me in the eyes. He lets me know I am his and that I have all the ability in the world to do this thing called life because he's been my coach. When I do something right God can sit back and with his head raised high and his chest swelling with pride. He looks out and says 'that's my girl'.
I couldn't have been more proud of them. The girls completely stepped up and proved they were ready to win and ready to play. We won two games and lost 1. We only lost the 1 game by 1 point to the team that won the tournament... we came into the tournament as the last seed. Of course I had my moments of shaking my head because they would forget what I had taught them or not do what they knew they should... then I would have to call a timeout and remind them how they should play or remind them where they should go at a certain time. I had to remind them at times they could do this and they had the talent. I had to individually tell a couple of my players that I knew they could do it, but they had to know they could. In the end, the girls came out on top and proved so much to themselves and to me. I found myself so proud to say those girls were my team. I looked out at them when they would score a basket or do something great and I found myself so thrilled to say 'those were my girls'.
I got to thinking about it on the ride home. It reminded me so much of my relationship with God. He's my coach... he tells me what I need to do and shows me the 'ropes'. I have moments when I'm playing this game of life and I completely and totally forget everything I've learned. I screw up somehow and I lose track of everything. My Father shakes his head and rubs his hand through his hair... he calls a timeout and reminds me of who I am... he reminds me I can do it and shows me the play again and where I should be. He is right by my side cheering me on. He grabs me by the face and looks at me in the eyes. He lets me know I am his and that I have all the ability in the world to do this thing called life because he's been my coach. When I do something right God can sit back and with his head raised high and his chest swelling with pride. He looks out and says 'that's my girl'.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Mercy Came Running...
Wednesday night is my bible study night. I was annoyed tonight. I was upset because I felt like a lady really attacked another lady pouring out her heart about an issue that she's dealing with. I felt like this other lady was just way out of line and it really made me angry. I called my friend on the way home and ended up kind of 'going off' about it. After my rant and a few laughs from my friend, I told her bible study was great tonight... it was on mercy. She quickly says, 'Yeah, I can tell'. Ouch.
It took all of about 5 minutes for my humanity to rear its ugly head. I'd spent an hour and 15 minutes in a bible study talking all about mercy and God's gift to us that we truly don't deserve. I get out and I'm immediately condemning someone else. I was more worried about what this other lady was doing and judging her for her comments... rather than extending the mercy I had just learned about. It's sad... sad and embarrassing to admit, but so like me.
Contrary to what you may think, I did learn a lot about mercy tonight. I've been extended mercy so many times in my life. Mercy is a humbling experience. One that can only be truly learned and appreciated by actually walking through it. I love the definition of mercy Angela Thomas uses: 'When God puts a crown of beauty on the head of a woman that's only known ashes... that's mercy'. In Isaiah 61:2 God says he will trade my ashes for a crown of beauty. There aren't many situations more humbling than that. Often times we feel like we don't 'deserve' the mercy and feel guilty for having it. That's the point isn't it? It's not mercy if we deserve it. Wikipedia's definition is 'compassion or relief given to an undeserving recipient'. I don't know about you... but it doesn't get anymore undeserving than me. God gives so freely what I do not deserve. Not only does he give it to me, but I'm commanded to give it to others. I didn't extend mercy tonight. I was upset and angry at this woman for attacking another and while I did have mercy on one of the women, I judged the other quickly. God will never ask me to extend more mercy than he's already given to me. Double ouch.
It took all of about 5 minutes for my humanity to rear its ugly head. I'd spent an hour and 15 minutes in a bible study talking all about mercy and God's gift to us that we truly don't deserve. I get out and I'm immediately condemning someone else. I was more worried about what this other lady was doing and judging her for her comments... rather than extending the mercy I had just learned about. It's sad... sad and embarrassing to admit, but so like me.
Contrary to what you may think, I did learn a lot about mercy tonight. I've been extended mercy so many times in my life. Mercy is a humbling experience. One that can only be truly learned and appreciated by actually walking through it. I love the definition of mercy Angela Thomas uses: 'When God puts a crown of beauty on the head of a woman that's only known ashes... that's mercy'. In Isaiah 61:2 God says he will trade my ashes for a crown of beauty. There aren't many situations more humbling than that. Often times we feel like we don't 'deserve' the mercy and feel guilty for having it. That's the point isn't it? It's not mercy if we deserve it. Wikipedia's definition is 'compassion or relief given to an undeserving recipient'. I don't know about you... but it doesn't get anymore undeserving than me. God gives so freely what I do not deserve. Not only does he give it to me, but I'm commanded to give it to others. I didn't extend mercy tonight. I was upset and angry at this woman for attacking another and while I did have mercy on one of the women, I judged the other quickly. God will never ask me to extend more mercy than he's already given to me. Double ouch.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Meekness
I mentioned early I've been doing a bible study. In this study, Angela Thomas uses the Sermon on the Mount as a basis for her teaching. Of course out of the Sermon on the Mount... comes The Beatitudes. Tonight's lesson was on meekness. *Shocker*... it was just for me.
I've always wondered who in their right mind would want to be meek? I understand some people are like that, but who honestly just truly sets out to be meek?! I've always been an athlete, competitive and striving to be better. I want to stand out, be strong and confident. After all... isn't the definition of meek - weak? Meek means lack of strength or that you have no confidence or no backbone. I mean, I know God knows best, but is inheriting the earth really worth all that? Who do I have to become to inherit these things?
Well tonight I found out how much I really know. It boils down to a big fat not very much. I realized meek means 'well acquainted with your own flaws'. Meek is realizing that I'll never be enough and that I'll always need a Savior to complete me. It's about knowing it's just me... being humbled by that and in that moment, it's when Jesus can step in with his strength and give the blessing. Sound familiar? A favored scripture comes to mind... his strength is perfected in my weakness.
Meek doesn't mean I am weak. I've become too accustomed to wanting to shine in what I do or trying to find some glory in who I am. I want recognition or to cover my own flaws because showing I'm any less than perfect makes me appear weak in others eyes and there are days I think there couldn't be anything worse than that. I want to always appear put together and I want others to think I've just got it under control when most days I'm screaming inside. Meekness means all that's gone. The worry, the cover up, the 'fake'. When I am meek I'm comfortable with my flaws and my weakness, because in that comfort, I come to realize that I'm just a girl... a girl trying to get from one day to the next... a girl who knows she's not enough and knows nothing she can do will ever measure up... simply... a girl in need of a Savior.
I've always wondered who in their right mind would want to be meek? I understand some people are like that, but who honestly just truly sets out to be meek?! I've always been an athlete, competitive and striving to be better. I want to stand out, be strong and confident. After all... isn't the definition of meek - weak? Meek means lack of strength or that you have no confidence or no backbone. I mean, I know God knows best, but is inheriting the earth really worth all that? Who do I have to become to inherit these things?
Well tonight I found out how much I really know. It boils down to a big fat not very much. I realized meek means 'well acquainted with your own flaws'. Meek is realizing that I'll never be enough and that I'll always need a Savior to complete me. It's about knowing it's just me... being humbled by that and in that moment, it's when Jesus can step in with his strength and give the blessing. Sound familiar? A favored scripture comes to mind... his strength is perfected in my weakness.
Meek doesn't mean I am weak. I've become too accustomed to wanting to shine in what I do or trying to find some glory in who I am. I want recognition or to cover my own flaws because showing I'm any less than perfect makes me appear weak in others eyes and there are days I think there couldn't be anything worse than that. I want to always appear put together and I want others to think I've just got it under control when most days I'm screaming inside. Meekness means all that's gone. The worry, the cover up, the 'fake'. When I am meek I'm comfortable with my flaws and my weakness, because in that comfort, I come to realize that I'm just a girl... a girl trying to get from one day to the next... a girl who knows she's not enough and knows nothing she can do will ever measure up... simply... a girl in need of a Savior.
Monday, February 5, 2007
White as snow
It is so cold here. Oh my goodness I thought last night my face was going to fall off it got so cold! It has snowed, and snowed, and snowed some more. I think I've quickly decided that I am, in my heart, a true Florida girl. Visiting the snow is great, but certainly NOT my ideal living situation.
A few weeks ago... the ground outside was brown and dirty. The trees were dead and lifeless. It just looked... ugly. A little snow came and covered the ground. It fell onto the trees and covered parts of the grass, but not all of it. Awhile later we had a very large snow that covered everything... there wasn't a spot of dirt to be seen or the ugly brown the ground once was. The trees were covered and everything was beautiful again. As the snow began melting parts of the grass began to show through, there were brown spots in small, very faint places, but yet again... another snow would come and cover everything.
I thought a lot about it. It so quickly reminded me of my life and Christ's forgiveness. I am the dirty ugly ground... Christ comes to cover completely, but I won't give him everything... so I'm not fully covered with his blanket of forgiveness. When I accept his gift, he covers all of me and I'm beautiful. Not an ounce of old life there... I'm a new creation. Life happens and I screw up and like the brown spots peaking through the snow... there are the old remnants of my life, sneaking there way through the corners of my mind, reminding me of who I used to be. As with the snow, God comes again and covers all my many sins.
God doesn't want part of me. He doesn't want half of the ground to be my old ugly life and half to be as white as snow. He wants to cover me completely. He desires better for me than the mediocrity this life offers. When I let him, it doesn't end there. He can cover me, but I still in my human desires allow that old life to peek through his blanket of covering. I'm either reminded of who I used to be and begin to think I still am that or I begin living my life back the way I used to. God still wants better. He didn't send his son to die for part of what I do or what I did back 'then'. He sent Him to die for it all. Every single part of my life... every ounce of my being... he wants.
So even though I don't like the snow right now and it's sooooo cold, it's better than the ugly brown ground that used to be there. Not only is it better... I can look out the window and remember that I used to be that ground... ugly, dirty and broken... and regardless of who anyone else tries to tell me I am... God took me and covered me... and He made me white as snow.
A few weeks ago... the ground outside was brown and dirty. The trees were dead and lifeless. It just looked... ugly. A little snow came and covered the ground. It fell onto the trees and covered parts of the grass, but not all of it. Awhile later we had a very large snow that covered everything... there wasn't a spot of dirt to be seen or the ugly brown the ground once was. The trees were covered and everything was beautiful again. As the snow began melting parts of the grass began to show through, there were brown spots in small, very faint places, but yet again... another snow would come and cover everything.
I thought a lot about it. It so quickly reminded me of my life and Christ's forgiveness. I am the dirty ugly ground... Christ comes to cover completely, but I won't give him everything... so I'm not fully covered with his blanket of forgiveness. When I accept his gift, he covers all of me and I'm beautiful. Not an ounce of old life there... I'm a new creation. Life happens and I screw up and like the brown spots peaking through the snow... there are the old remnants of my life, sneaking there way through the corners of my mind, reminding me of who I used to be. As with the snow, God comes again and covers all my many sins.
God doesn't want part of me. He doesn't want half of the ground to be my old ugly life and half to be as white as snow. He wants to cover me completely. He desires better for me than the mediocrity this life offers. When I let him, it doesn't end there. He can cover me, but I still in my human desires allow that old life to peek through his blanket of covering. I'm either reminded of who I used to be and begin to think I still am that or I begin living my life back the way I used to. God still wants better. He didn't send his son to die for part of what I do or what I did back 'then'. He sent Him to die for it all. Every single part of my life... every ounce of my being... he wants.
So even though I don't like the snow right now and it's sooooo cold, it's better than the ugly brown ground that used to be there. Not only is it better... I can look out the window and remember that I used to be that ground... ugly, dirty and broken... and regardless of who anyone else tries to tell me I am... God took me and covered me... and He made me white as snow.
Friday, February 2, 2007
"Fixer"
I like to think of myself as a 'fixer'. I like to fix problems and make people feel better. I want to console them and really just make them laugh. I don't like it when the people I love hurt and I want to do everything I can to make it right. I'm usually willing to do whatever it takes. Unfortunately, I can't always and more times than not, I feel like a failure as a friend, a sister or a daughter because I can't fix it.
These are the days I have to stop, step back and take a deep breath. It's not always my responsibility to fix things. Sometimes my reasoning to 'fix' causes more problems then the original one that was already there. God didn't appoint me 'fixer' to the people in my life. He didn't bequeath the title to me. As much as I want it to be... it's just not up to me. Sure, I can be there for a kind word, a cry on my shoulder or a comforting phone call... but fixing isn't my job. That doesn't make me happy. In fact I have a really heavy heart tonight because I really don't know what to do about a couple situations in my life. I don't know how to handle them, where I fit into the equation and what I can do to make them right. My head screams, "STOP" and my heart screams, "FIX". Deep down I know I can't fix them... and it sucks. I've written about this before... it's a constant battle with me and as you can see, I haven't figured it out yet.
Nights like tonight I have to sit back and rest in the loving arms of my Savior. I have to rest on him and let him take me in his arms and hold me. Then, I need to talk to him. I need to tell him what's wrong... lift up these people in my life and ask that he just simply lets HIS will be done. I want my will... I want what I want when I want it and it's usually now. If I'm praying for my will... I'm wasting my time. I need to remember the fate of these that I love rests in his hands and in his time... and he certainly has a perfect track record. It's one I can't even be compared with. I'm tired... I'm not even dealing with the problems and I'm tired. I can't imagine what the people I love are going through.
Father, we ask for your help tonight. Help us never forget that you are in control. We ask for YOUR will to be done in the lives of these people. Soften the stern hearts and give comfort to the weak. Wrap us in your loving embrace and remind us that we have nothing to fear... for you are in control. Help us remember that when we are weak YOU are strong. I pray that you simply rest on us. Allow us to sit in the presence of your glory and your holiness. Thank you God for what you have promised to do. We love you. Grant us guidance and wisdom as you have promised to if we would only ask. Thank you, Lord. Amen.
You see I can't fix it... I can't make it right, but I sure know the one who can. Maybe one of the days it will sink in that He's my first option... not the one when my way doesn't work.
These are the days I have to stop, step back and take a deep breath. It's not always my responsibility to fix things. Sometimes my reasoning to 'fix' causes more problems then the original one that was already there. God didn't appoint me 'fixer' to the people in my life. He didn't bequeath the title to me. As much as I want it to be... it's just not up to me. Sure, I can be there for a kind word, a cry on my shoulder or a comforting phone call... but fixing isn't my job. That doesn't make me happy. In fact I have a really heavy heart tonight because I really don't know what to do about a couple situations in my life. I don't know how to handle them, where I fit into the equation and what I can do to make them right. My head screams, "STOP" and my heart screams, "FIX". Deep down I know I can't fix them... and it sucks. I've written about this before... it's a constant battle with me and as you can see, I haven't figured it out yet.
Nights like tonight I have to sit back and rest in the loving arms of my Savior. I have to rest on him and let him take me in his arms and hold me. Then, I need to talk to him. I need to tell him what's wrong... lift up these people in my life and ask that he just simply lets HIS will be done. I want my will... I want what I want when I want it and it's usually now. If I'm praying for my will... I'm wasting my time. I need to remember the fate of these that I love rests in his hands and in his time... and he certainly has a perfect track record. It's one I can't even be compared with. I'm tired... I'm not even dealing with the problems and I'm tired. I can't imagine what the people I love are going through.
Father, we ask for your help tonight. Help us never forget that you are in control. We ask for YOUR will to be done in the lives of these people. Soften the stern hearts and give comfort to the weak. Wrap us in your loving embrace and remind us that we have nothing to fear... for you are in control. Help us remember that when we are weak YOU are strong. I pray that you simply rest on us. Allow us to sit in the presence of your glory and your holiness. Thank you God for what you have promised to do. We love you. Grant us guidance and wisdom as you have promised to if we would only ask. Thank you, Lord. Amen.
You see I can't fix it... I can't make it right, but I sure know the one who can. Maybe one of the days it will sink in that He's my first option... not the one when my way doesn't work.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
LOST
One of my best friends and her husband love the show LOST. I have heard for months about this show and how great it is... blah blah blah. I tried to watch an episode back in the first season, but I'd missed quite a bit of the show and was completely lost (no pun intended). After hearing about how great the show was I simply asked my friend to just catch me up so I could begin in the third season. After she quit laughing at me... she told me she would never be able to explain. I would have to see for myself. Determined to not like the show, I rented the first season on Friday of last week. I'm completely and totally hooked.
This is one of the best shows I've ever seen. I've never watched a show that's kept me guessing and on the edge of my seat quite like this one. I find myself with a dropped jaw at the end of each episode thrilled that I don't have to wait until next week to find out what happened. There are so many questions and so few answers. Just the time you think you have something figured out... a new character or problem comes wandering into the jungle.
These perfect strangers are thrown together in awkward situations. They don't know one another and some would rather not get to know one another. The interesting part about this show is that it brings each of the characters of the show with such different backgrounds. They all have something they've left behind... an interesting story you don't have all the pieces to or perhaps a jaded past. I can't help but wonder about the people they have left behind. The people that most likely think they are dead. I wonder what kind of legacy these people have left. When they got on that plane, they had no idea they would end up on an island in the middle of nowhere. How would they be remembered?
I don't often think about my 'legacy'. I expect that tomorrow I'll wake up and go to work. This weekend I'll go cross country skiing and next weekend my girls have a basketball tournament. I don't expect that tomorrow might be my last day. I often try to live for today. If I have an opportunity to do something I usually take it, but what will people say about me when I'm gone? It's easy to think about that in 50 or so years. At 24 it doesn't cross my mind that often. Every day is a chance I can make a difference. A day I can make a lasting impact on someone. Do I want to be remembered as a driven hard-headed woman or a woman that sought after God's own heart? Do I want the girls on my team to say I was the hardest coach they had ever had? That I ran them harder and pushed them more than anyone they've ever know? Or do I want my girls to say, 'Yes, she pushed us... but not only did she push us to be better athletes, she pushed us to be better Christians?'. I would definitely take the latter. I highly doubt tomorrow you will wake up on an island in the middle of nowhere... but just say you do... how will you be remembered?
This is one of the best shows I've ever seen. I've never watched a show that's kept me guessing and on the edge of my seat quite like this one. I find myself with a dropped jaw at the end of each episode thrilled that I don't have to wait until next week to find out what happened. There are so many questions and so few answers. Just the time you think you have something figured out... a new character or problem comes wandering into the jungle.
These perfect strangers are thrown together in awkward situations. They don't know one another and some would rather not get to know one another. The interesting part about this show is that it brings each of the characters of the show with such different backgrounds. They all have something they've left behind... an interesting story you don't have all the pieces to or perhaps a jaded past. I can't help but wonder about the people they have left behind. The people that most likely think they are dead. I wonder what kind of legacy these people have left. When they got on that plane, they had no idea they would end up on an island in the middle of nowhere. How would they be remembered?
I don't often think about my 'legacy'. I expect that tomorrow I'll wake up and go to work. This weekend I'll go cross country skiing and next weekend my girls have a basketball tournament. I don't expect that tomorrow might be my last day. I often try to live for today. If I have an opportunity to do something I usually take it, but what will people say about me when I'm gone? It's easy to think about that in 50 or so years. At 24 it doesn't cross my mind that often. Every day is a chance I can make a difference. A day I can make a lasting impact on someone. Do I want to be remembered as a driven hard-headed woman or a woman that sought after God's own heart? Do I want the girls on my team to say I was the hardest coach they had ever had? That I ran them harder and pushed them more than anyone they've ever know? Or do I want my girls to say, 'Yes, she pushed us... but not only did she push us to be better athletes, she pushed us to be better Christians?'. I would definitely take the latter. I highly doubt tomorrow you will wake up on an island in the middle of nowhere... but just say you do... how will you be remembered?
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