Redeeming Love

I just got finished reading the most incredible book. It's called 'Redeeming Love'. I actually read it in less than a day. It could possibly be one of the best books I've ever read. The story is set in the 1850s, but it's based on the story in Hosea... where he marries a prostitute, she runs and he has to buy her back out of slavery. It's an awesome book and I think every girl in America should read it. The story is all about the power of a redeeming Savior.

Pretty much anyone that would read this blog knows I've made many mistakes in my life... most of which I'm not proud of at all. I'm floored at the grace and forgiveness that God bestows on us. I'm amazed when I read something like the story of Hosea and see the redemption that God can give. It never matters what's been done in the past or how many times we have screwed up... he's still there. I think the concept is a hard grasp for me because I have had people leave me because of things I've done in my life. If they don't leave then they certainly judge you or look at you differently because of choices you have made. I believe there are consequences to sin, but when you ask God for forgiveness... he just forgets. I think we as people dwell on what others think of who we are or what we've done... when God's redeeming power has already saved and forgiven us. It's an incredible concept for me and almost unfathomable. I'm tired of caring what the world thinks and who they say I am. I know who God says I am and quite simply... I am his. I'm his daughter, his child, his love. I want to live in that... to sit and rest in the fact that I am who God says I am... the rest doesn't matter a whole lot. God has redeemed me. He has made me new and that person I was... doesn't exist anymore... as long as I don't let her. God has forgotten her and it's about time I do, too.

Stand up and fight

I have to admit I've always been more of a fighter than a peace maker. I enjoy fights (not physical... haha) and sometimes I've even been known to pick them. More than fighting, I love to win. It's just my nature and I'm not always proud to admit that. Sometimes winning becomes my motive. It's not about the fight or about why I'm doing it... if I win I'm happy. It can become disaster when my flesh gets in the way. Although the mentality has gotten me some good places in my life, it's also gotten me some not so good places. Like any trait we possess, it can be turned and used for good. God can make something of my competitive winning attitude and use it for HIS good.

(If you have not seen the movie the Patriot and care, do not continue reading) In one of my favorite movies, The Patriot, Mel Gibson's character, William has just lost his son in war. He was terrified for his son's life and his greatest fear came true. William left his family to fight with his son, but when he was killed, he wanted to go home. They challenged him to stand up and fight with them anyway. He left, but when he remembered what he was fighting for... he comes riding up on a horse carrying an American flag... it's one of the most moving scenes in the movie. I don't usually have a problem with standing up and fighting, but that energy needs to be focused in the right direction. Instead of fighting or arguing with everyone that comes in my path or everything that doesn't go my way, I need to focus that energy on fighting the true battle... the one for Christ. I need to remember that he's already won the war... I'm just doing my part to gain soldiers for this battle. God wants us to fight... even when we don't feel like it and even when we're so tired we can't see straight... he desires to have all of us giving him everything we can. Honestly, is that a whole lot to ask for considering he sent his son to die for us? In the grand scheme of things... not only does it not seem like that much, it doesn't feel like it's enough...

Just a girl...

in need of a Savior. Yep, that's me. If I could pick a statement to define me, I think that's what I would choose. When I was 9, I had the privilege of asking Jesus to come into my heart and take over my life. Even at the young age of 9... I realized I just needed a Savior... unfortunately I didn't live like it. I've always been somewhat of a tough person and I like to do things on my own, my own way. Being 'saved' isn't my idea of a fairytale. I'd rather be scoring the winning basket in a game... that's my kind of story. I lived a lot of my life like that. It was what I want, when I want it... and it was usually now. Life was about what I could do and how quickly or good I could do it. Everything was a competition and if it wasn't, I would find a way to make it that way. I felt like being 'saved' meant I was weak... and the last thing I wanted to be was weak. There's nothing wrong with ambition in life, but there comes a point where we all have to realize that we all need saving. I was a Christian for 14 years before I really understood that I was just a girl who's in need of a Savior. Instead of feeling like the world was against me and I was fighting my way to the top, I found out that Jesus chose to save me... and had to die to do so. Of course I knew the story, on paper and in my head I knew it all. It was a heart issue... I had to feel it. I had to understand truly just what that Savior had done for me... for only me. I had to get (and am still learning everyday... right, Suz?) that having to be saved doesn't make me weak... it makes me strong... because in my weakness and in my vulnerability (I know, I hate it, too) then he is strong. I will go back to the verse over and over in 2 Corinthians 12... for when I am weak... then I am strong. At the end of the day... we're all just boys and girls in need of a Savior. Instead of being defined or represented by jobs or status or anything else of this world... lets just simply be girls and boys... living this life one day to another... knowing that we are nothing without our incredible redeeming Savior.

Friends

Yes, it was a very popular TV show of which I was a huge fan... but it's also something we all, if we're blessed, have. I have been reminded a lot this week about how grateful I am for my friends. I think it's safe to say that most of the ones I count as my 'best' and 'closest'... I haven't known longer than 2 months. It's kind of funny how God does those things. When I changed my life and lost most of my close friends, I prayed God would give me a solid group of friends that were desiring to live godly lives. I had a very lonely 7 months. God put people in my life I needed at the time, but he didn't give me a solid group because he knew he was going to move me to Indiana... so he gave them to me here. Once again... God knew and I didn't! One of these days I'm going to drill that into this thick head of mine! God provided me with the most solid group of friends I could ask for and I love them so dearly. I can't even express how cool it is to have a group of young singles that are desiring to walk godly lives and are willing to call me out in a heartbeat if I'm not doing it! We laugh, we cry... we have amazing times together and I've known them for about 5 weeks. God is SO amazing and even though I shouldn't be suprised (considering he can do anything)... I never want that amazement to go away. I always want to be amazed at what God does and stunned by his majesty and glory.

God also provided a family for me through a group called Tres Dias. I've made some incredible (and interesting) friends through this group and he knew I needed them. One big haired twin in particular... I've gotten to know SO well. She's been SUCH a blessing and an inspiration to me. It's amazing how God puts someone in your life that's been where you are... and can relate after she's already been through it. I am so thankful she is in my life and that I can learn from her everyday. God has brought two people in particular back into my life that had been out of it sometime to be major encouragements to me. One let me live with her during a trying time and another came in just when I needed her. Friends are an amazing thing. I believe God's all we need to get through it, but boy do friends help. I love being able to call any of these people at anytime and ask them for a prayer or know that if I needed anything in this world, they would be there. Thanksgiving is over, but I don't want to ever lose sight of being 'thankful. My awesome brother in Christ, Paul says in Philippians 'I thank my God every time I remember you'. Those words bring a smile to my face. I want my friends to know how thankful I am for them. You all are a true gift from God and I'm so excited to learn from each of you. Thank you for being my friend!

Such a time as this...

You know those sacred moments of grace? Those ones that appear months after you represented God so boldly, but you felt like no one noticed and even if they did... they could care less? I got one today. It's the coolest, most reassuring feeling in the world. It means more than God showing you when you do it. 7 months ago I stood for God more bodly than I ever have in my entire life. I knew people were aware I had done it, but they didn't care. In fact, most of them hated me for it. 7, almost 8 months later, I had one of those friends tell me that they remembered how I stood up and that I was right and they respected me for my decision. They said even though they didn't understand at the time and they didn't like it then, they get it now and want to stand for God now as well. I don't know about you, but that makes me want to shout from the mountaintops!! It's so cool when anyone gets on fire about God, but I can't tell you how exciting it is for someone from my former group of friends. I honestly didn't expect to really speak to any of these people again... God had different ideas. I certainly didn't give him enough credit. It was so incredibly exciting for me that God rewarded my faithfulness. We often wonder why God doesn't answer our prayers or show us 'why' immediately... it's because he has better ideas than we do! He has bigger and better plans than we could ever imagine. When we live for Christ, it shouldn't be about the reward... it should just be that it is living for Christ... even with that, the reward is such a nice bonus! Months ago when I thought no one cared and I felt like I was the only person in this world... God prepared it for 'such a time as this'... a time when someone could see what God had to offer and there were other lives to live... ones that glorify God. And I'll tell you... I wouldn't take back those times when I felt like I was all alone for anything in this world. God is so freakin' awesome!

A Daughter of the King

Everytime I see the phrase, or hear the phrase, it brings a smile to my face. It took some really special friends to make me realize that's exactly what I was. They showed me and reminded me that my Heavenly Father was in fact a King... and I was His daughter. It didn't matter who I had become, what I had done or where I was in my life at that time... I was a princess, and to him I was special. I can't tell you how much I needed that message at the time. One of those friends at times will send me a morning e-mail or a morning chat message that begins with, 'Good Morning Precious Daughter of the King'. I smile everytime I read those sweet words. As comforting as that thought is... it is also challenging. The knowledge that I'm a daughter of the King comes with some accountability... a higher standard and I should start living my life in that way. I need to live my life with the authority and understanding that I am in fact of a royal bloodline. I have some friends that sing in a group and they have a song with a line in it that says, 'unworthy of royal blood that flows through my veins'... how true, but how awesome! Royal blood DOES flow through my veins, but not without a price. Guess what the song is about? Yep, that's right... grace. It's only through grace we are saved and only through that grace do we become children of the King. We weren't born into our royalty... we were adopted... and we weren't free! A price was paid so we could in fact be in the royal family. Let's start living like it! Let's live lives of salvation and freedom, remembering that our daddy is the King and that we are precious in his eyes. In the grand scheme of things, we're just boys, and just girls, in need of a Savior... a Savior that showed up, adopted us and made us children of the Kingdom! I don't know about you, but for me... it doesn't get much better than that!

To Live Is Christ...

Yep, you know what comes next... and to die is gain. I began this title and this blog yesterday and I'm really glad I waited... God knew I should and as always... he's right! This morning a dear friend passed away. She's gone on to be with her Savior and I couldn't be happier for her. Her life was about living for Christ, but her death was gain. She left this earth and entered the eternal embrace of her loving Lord... what a cool picture to imagine.

I think that most of us imagine true 'death' in the statement 'to die is gain'. In the familiar passage of Phillipians, Paul is in prison and fighting with whether to live or to die. I believe he meant very literally that his death would be gain... while I believe that, I also feel that verse 21 can mean something very different.. which he knew. The NLT version says 'For me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better'. Living for Christ... quite frankly it means 3 words... not about me. Of course while we want to think it is all about us, a life sold out for Christ has NOTHING to do with us... it's all about him. If there's any life we could learn from, it would be Paul's. His example is exactly what living for Christ is all about. Paul was passionate in all of his affairs. When we meet Paul, his name was Saul and he killed and persecuted Christians with a passion... giving 110% to what he felt called to do. Upon his conversion and his name being changed to Paul... he's one of the most radical and influential people in the Bible. He knew nothing on this earth was about him and if it wasn't glorifying God or somehow showcasing God's excellence, he wasn't interested in it.

So we're ok with living for Christ... most days... but what about this dying thing? This one isn't fun, but it's one of the most crucial parts of a radical Christian walk. When I am ready to die to myself... then I can truly experience the power of God in my life. Nothing about that is comforting to us in our flesh... we want the power and we want control. We can die in areas... I'll give God my financial situation or give God my relationships, but all areas? Dying to all self? That's when it gets difficult. I'm never been part of a greater battle in all my life than dying to myself... it's because it's a daily battle. I die on Monday, but Tuesday I wake up... and it begins all over again. God doesn't want part of us... he didn't send Jesus to die on the cross for a portion or for a few sin... the blood of the spotless Lamb covers all of our sin and God desires to have every part of our broken lives. I want to be a Paul... I want to live my life outloud and I want people to know who I serve and why... I want for people to look at me and not see me, but see what God has done for me because I have chosen to live for Him... simply by not living for me.

I Love This Game...

Basketball... I love it. I love most sports, but basketball holds such a special place in my heart. I don't remember not playing and I've been on an organized team since I was 7. For years, I lived it and I breathed it. There's nothing like dribbling down the court, getting someone with a crossover (especially when you're a girl) and making a no look pass to the lane where your teammate catches and scores! It honestly sends an excitment like nothing else. I got to play tonight... and it was awesome. Being on the floor again is one of the most exciting things I can do. I'm realizing that at 24 I'm not quite as young as I used to be. As much as I love the game, watching it on TV, watching live, playing or coaching... how awesome would it be if I could get that excited about reading God's word or about truly knowing Him? Sure we hear the sports analogy of yelling at the football game and sitting in church like it's a funeral... but for those of us that are sports lovers... so much of the game is who we are. Years ago I loved nothing more than being commended for a great game or a great pass. I want to desire being proud of what I do for Christ even more than that. Paul tells us in Philipians to do nothing out of selfish ambition and to think of others as better than ourselves. Sports teach us to make something of ourselves and be a standout. Of course it's not wrong, but sometimes we lose ourselves in doing what gets us noticed. Now don't misunderstand... I'm so competitive by nature and I love to win... but I don't want my desire to compete and win to miss our on the opportunity to live for Christ. I want to love my God like nothing else. I want to think it a privilege to study His word or go to church on a Sunday even more so than playing a pick up game or scoring the winning three-pointer. Of course I will still be back out there next Sunday night... just as excited about getting the chance to play again... but maybe this week in my devotional or when I get the chance to share Christ with someone... it will put that thrill of that game winning shot in the pit of my stomach and maybe bring a little smile to my face.

The Love of My Life...

The Love of My Life... the phrase brings a smile to a blissful couple's face and gets an eye roll from a lonely single person. Others sum their loves up by a child, a vehicle, a sport. The love of a life can take on many forms and the desire to have one can eat a person's soul up. We think of many things as being our loves, as we should, but when do we think of Jesus as being the true love of our life? Sure we all say it because it sounds good and of course when we do it makes us more holy... who doesn't want to be more holy? But what happens when we honestly mean it? What if our entire satisfaction and validation as a person were measured in our Savior's love? I think loves are great and we should all have them, but I also feel (as a single person) that we concentrate our lives on finding that 'true love' and miss out on the fact that Jesus is already that... he's just waiting for us to accept it. I have friends who's entire lives are revolving around the idea of a boyfriend they don't even have yet. I certainly am far from figuring it out and am hoping to learn everyday, but how much more victory could I have in my life if I knew that Jesus was my one true love? I certainly hope to find that earthly true love one day, but how can I expect to find him when Jesus isn't in his proper place as my first true love? I'm ready to wake up knowing that not only does He love me like no one else can, but he gave his LIFE for me... only me. I think if I truly understood the concept of it, then I wouldn't have a problem loving Him how I should. If I woke up everyday with the knowledge that all I am is a girl in need of a Savior and that He has already saved and forgiven me... there would be a lot less lonely nights!

Am I Enough?

Am I enough? I think it's the question we ask ourselves everyday in one way or another. Do we measure up? Do we 'fit the mold'? Do we exceed the expectations? The real question we should ask ourselves is who is the judge of our expectations? Who do we allow to hold the mold that decides we are or aren't enough?
When we look through the worlds eyes, we will never be enough. If we see each other as the world sees us, we will never fit that perfect mold. Instead, we should look at ourselves through the eyes of Jesus. Instead of looking at our sin and who our sin made us, we should look at ourselves (if in fact we are Christians) as new creations. If we measure ourselves by our sin and see who we are because of it, what was the point of Calvary? 2 Corinthians 12:9 says 'His grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'. How different would our lives be if we lived that way? If we lived LIKE Christ intended us to live with the knowledge that no matter who we are, what we've done or what we will do... Christ's grace is sufficient for ME. That in my weaknesses and in my persecutions, His power is made perfect. Verse 10 of the same passage continues on to say, 'Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me'. 'Rest on me'... I don't know about you, but as we say in North Carolina... those words will preach! It's not when I'm sitting on the mountaintop that I am the strongest... it's in those moments in the valley... those moments that I think I can't take another step and if I do I will surely die... that my God, my Savior and my everything, will take me in His arms, hold me tight and let His power just rest on me. If we lived our lives knowing we are paid for with a price and loved and forgiven by the King of Kings... maybe then we'd realize that we were in fact never enough... He made us enough.