"Fixer"

I like to think of myself as a 'fixer'. I like to fix problems and make people feel better. I want to console them and really just make them laugh. I don't like it when the people I love hurt and I want to do everything I can to make it right. I'm usually willing to do whatever it takes. Unfortunately, I can't always and more times than not, I feel like a failure as a friend, a sister or a daughter because I can't fix it.

These are the days I have to stop, step back and take a deep breath. It's not always my responsibility to fix things. Sometimes my reasoning to 'fix' causes more problems then the original one that was already there. God didn't appoint me 'fixer' to the people in my life. He didn't bequeath the title to me. As much as I want it to be... it's just not up to me. Sure, I can be there for a kind word, a cry on my shoulder or a comforting phone call... but fixing isn't my job. That doesn't make me happy. In fact I have a really heavy heart tonight because I really don't know what to do about a couple situations in my life. I don't know how to handle them, where I fit into the equation and what I can do to make them right. My head screams, "STOP" and my heart screams, "FIX". Deep down I know I can't fix them... and it sucks. I've written about this before... it's a constant battle with me and as you can see, I haven't figured it out yet.

Nights like tonight I have to sit back and rest in the loving arms of my Savior. I have to rest on him and let him take me in his arms and hold me. Then, I need to talk to him. I need to tell him what's wrong... lift up these people in my life and ask that he just simply lets HIS will be done. I want my will... I want what I want when I want it and it's usually now. If I'm praying for my will... I'm wasting my time. I need to remember the fate of these that I love rests in his hands and in his time... and he certainly has a perfect track record. It's one I can't even be compared with. I'm tired... I'm not even dealing with the problems and I'm tired. I can't imagine what the people I love are going through.

Father, we ask for your help tonight. Help us never forget that you are in control. We ask for YOUR will to be done in the lives of these people. Soften the stern hearts and give comfort to the weak. Wrap us in your loving embrace and remind us that we have nothing to fear... for you are in control. Help us remember that when we are weak YOU are strong. I pray that you simply rest on us. Allow us to sit in the presence of your glory and your holiness. Thank you God for what you have promised to do. We love you. Grant us guidance and wisdom as you have promised to if we would only ask. Thank you, Lord. Amen.

You see I can't fix it... I can't make it right, but I sure know the one who can. Maybe one of the days it will sink in that He's my first option... not the one when my way doesn't work.