be still... and quiet.

I drove around one day last weekend for an hour- lost. Everyone I called to help was unavailable... I couldn't figure out where I was and it was dark- dark and cold. Being lost wasn't the problem- how it made me feel was. I couldn't figure out why it made me so upset... why it made me want to break down and cry. I spend most of my life lost. It's not unusual for me to be in that exact situation on any given day and laugh about it. That day I didn't feel like laughing. I thought I knew where I was going. I thought I knew street names and when I would find one I knew, it turned out to be the same name- but a different street. When I thought I found a way, it would turn out I had no clue where I was and the longer I tried to find it, the darker it got. I finally had to retrace exactly how I'd gotten there. I had to remember how I had come and go exactly back that way. While it sounds simple enough, it sent me over the edge.

It didn't hit me until later the reason it had rocked my world so much. It had nothing to do with being in a location lost and everything to do with feeling like that was my life. I was overcome with feelings that I had no clue where my life was going and that I felt exactly as helpless driving around out there as I did in my own life. What was my next move? Where did I want to go? What did I want to do? I felt like I was taking one step forward and two steps back.

Today I spent time with some very dear friends of mine. If you know me well I'm usually going 90 to nothing all the time. I am go go go and that's the way I like it. Today was far from that. It was quiet, it was sit around, do whatever you felt like. It's something I'm not quite used to. It drove me almost crazy. I mentioned to my best friend on the phone, "I need to figure out why I can't just be... why I need to continually be entertained?". What was I afraid of? Why couldn't I just be?

Being lost and being quiet- two of the things I like the least and I was confronted with them back to back. I think God's trying to tell me something and I think I should listen. I love the phrase 'Be Still And Know That I Am God' but how often do I practice it? It doesn't have to be lights, camera, action all the time... sometimes I just need to sit. Maybe if I would sit and listen a little more often, I wouldn't be lost so often. The lost part hit a little closer to home. I'm pretty sure I know exactly what I want, but getting there is a little more difficult. I have no clue how I'm going to get there. As it's almost Thanksgiving I began to think about those times I've been lost. How thankful I am for them. It's the times when I'm lost that I learn the most. It's the times when I'm lost I'm so grateful I was found. I believe God uses the times we have no where else to turn to teach us the things we will hold onto forever. It's been said that mountaintops prepare you for valley duty. I felt like I was in the bottom of the valley last Saturday night and I came close to forgetting everything I'd learned on the mountaintop. I was willing to give it all away in a flash. It took a special person to remind me it wasn't worth it and no matter how alone I felt... I really wasn't. The interesting thing is I happened to find this person at a time when I was so completely lost. I was reminded that not only does God teach us the most things when we might be lost, but sometimes He gives us some of the best gifts and people to come into our lives.

It's the times when we're lost that if we would just stop for a second... stop trying to find our way and simply be still- our God is closer than He ever was. We learn, we grow and we are given gifts further beyond our imaginations... when we are lost. In the times of quiet, our God guides us, holds us and shows us the lessons He needs us to learn. Being lost reminds me of where I have been- where I have come from. It reminds me that while I was lost, I thank Him I was found. In my quiet moments, my God speaks the loudest... maybe I should listen a little more often.