recovery

I heard a statement the other day I thought was profound.

"If we're honest, aren't we all in recovery from something?"

As simple as it is, it's the absolute truth. We all have things we struggle with and we all have areas of our lives we are in complete detox from. Some are more obvious than others and some may view theirs as more serious. Some may manifest in drug and alcohol recovery or others may simply be from certain relationships. Whatever they are, to each individual they are as serious as the most destructive lifestyle. We think if we call it 'recovery' somehow that makes us weak. Like admitting the problem is admitting we have an issue that is too big for us to handle. It's just like 'us' to feel that way. To feel like sweeping it under the rug is the 'safe' thing. The safe thing is admitting it. When we ignore it's existence, we allow ourselves to be tempted by Satan because we pretend we are bigger than the problem.

For example, there are days I pretend I don't have a problem. Days I pretend that I can exist in the 'party world' and be bigger than the effects it's had on my life when the truth is flirting with disaster could be the end of me. In my twisted way of thinking I imagine that admitting I can't be apart of that world and those people makes me weak. It means that I can't handle that. Unfortunately, that's the point. I can't handle it. Putting on a front and acting like the world is ok and that I can do what I want is the most dangerous thing of all. When I admit I have a problem... when I in essence, admit I need to be in 'recovery' from this lifestyle, I can then have people to hold me accountable and keep me out of that destructive lifestyle.

God's placed people in our life to help us through these times. He's given us people we can trust and that can invest in our lives to help us through the issues we face. Maybe I should start listening to those people more. Satan only needs one chance. When he gets his hooks into you he begins this web of deception and before you know it, you are in so deep you can't see your way out. He feeds of the vulnerability these issues in essence give us. I'm sad to say I know this from much experience.

It's a recovery... a lifelong process of a daily ritual to prevent a destructive lifestyle. It's a lifetime of making sure Satan doesn't get it and that I do everything I can to make sure and protect my life from the schemes of the evil one. The safest place to be is admitting I can't do it alone. Admitting I have a problem and that maybe even though you can handle being apart of that life... I certainly can't. Voicing weakness isn't easy... especially for me. I never want to be called weak, but if I don't admit it, God will eventually break me for my own pride of feeling like I've got this under control. I've already tried... and too many times failed. It seems like a recurring theme all over again... when I am weak, then He is strong. A battle of daily dying to self and remembering that without Him... I am nothing. I think somewhere over the last little while I've forgotten that. It's time to get back into my regular 'detox' meetings. He's given me some great help here on earth. Real people I can talk to and confide in. It's time to own the problem and move on from it... instead of pretending I'm big enough for it, because Lord knows... I've proven I'm not.