at the end of the day

There are so many times I sit and wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't made certain choices or if I'd done things differently. I think if we're all honest with ourselves then we've all been there. I read a book recently that made a startling point. In the book the author was talking to her husband about a horrific experience he'd had as a child. He asked her what she thought he might have been like if he hadn't gone through that and he'd not made bad choices. She says God gave her the words she responded with and she said 'You're a much neater person healed than you would have ever been well.'. I keep wondering the same thing. What would I be like if that hadn't happened? Who would I be? The point is I don't know who I'd be and in fact I barely know who I am now... but my God does. He didn't make me well for a reason... he healed me. How much stronger have I become because of it? I feel so weak, but oh isn't that the point? For when I am weak, then I am strong. For His power is perfected in my weakness. Could I have ever given my all, my complete trust to God if I had been well? I'd like to think I couldn't have... that it took a wound... and it took Him to heal it. You can't get to the mountaintops from another mountaintop. You get to it from the valley. I know a few things... if I hadn't gone through what I did I'd have never met 1 of the closest friends I have right now. I thought of this today and it was mind blowing. I wondered why I'm where I am... why I have to go through this and I was so quickly reminded of all the blessings God gave me because of what I went through. My other family, the Coscia's that he put back into my life... the group of amazing people from my Tres Dias family and my incredible friend Suz. It took my valley for all that to happen. I do not have all the answers and as that wise friend reminded me, I don't have to right now! God's timing is just that... His. I know he is in control of my life and he holds the time table. Days will still be hard and some days will just plain suck, but I have some special special people there to hold my hand and walk beside me and I have my creator... that knows every hair on my head. I don't know why I am where I am or why I feel 'lost'... but He does... and at the end of the day... that's really all that matters.