An all too familiar place

I ended up there this weekend. I found myself caught in the middle of a situation I had promised myself I'd never be in again. For a few hours, I felt contentment and solace in that old place. I remembered who I was and the last time I'd truly felt defined by something. Maybe it wasn't a good thing... but it was something. I knew I shouldn't be there and I knew I'd pay the consequences for it, but in that little time, I didn't care. The good news is I finally came to my senses. I picked myself up out of the situation and ran like mad... the bad news is I never should have been there and I know it. Something I'd worked so hard not be, I became again so quickly. The other bad news, is the power of Satan's seduction and our danger if we don't know it exists.

Satan's seduction is one of the most powerful things I've ever felt in my life. The effects are harmful and too many times deadly. Sometimes he hits you when you least expect it, sometimes he hits you when you're expecting it the most, but I can assure you... he will most certainly hit you when you think you're strong enough to handle it on your own. In the times when you feel invincible... in those moments you feel confident in your own strength and put the Savior's at a safe distance. Satan maneuvers and manipulates every single weakness we have in hopes for us to fall flat on our face. You see as Christians, he can never take our salvation and he knows he can never have us... but he makes it his job to make us fall whenever he can and cause us to lose a testimony we worked so desperately to combat. It takes months, even years to change your life from old habits and approximately 30 seconds to get back into it. That's the evil beauty of seduction. The enemy doesn't seduce us with something we hate or something that doesn't tempt us... he chooses our sinful natures desires... those things we at times so long to be apart of.

The beauty of this story is that it doesn't matter what I did last weekend or what I'll do next weekend... God's redeeming power is so much bigger than it all. I am enough because he was first enough and I can rest in him because His power is perfect in my weakness. His grace IS sufficient for me. It has, it is, and it always will be. We (I) think that by admitting we have weaknesses, it makes me weak. If we stay away from our temptations and weaknesses then that means we don't have big enough faith, when in reality, what if God is trying to teach us to lean on Him in everything and that it is perhaps not my job to 'prove' I can 'handle the pressure'? I so often feel that my Christianity is about 'proving' this or 'proving' that when it's not. What if it's just about admitting I'm weak... so He can make me strong?

One of my favorite authors, Beth Moore, has a great book out titled "Get Out of the Pit". I'd like to share a portion of it with you. Beth is telling a story about how she began receiving Barbies... a cute story of a little girl that brought her barbies to church and they would make them raise their hands in praise so ever since then people have given her barbies...

This most recent Barbie was dressed like me (hip, I hope, but alas, modest). She had a makeshift bible in one hand (appeared to be a King James) while the other was stretched decisively heavenward. This doll had one inadvertent similarity to me that overrode all the others. It even made up for the gross age discrepancy that no one seemed willing to acknowledge. One of Barbie's feet had been gnawed right off at the calf. The group extended their regrets, of course, explaining that the family dog of the original owner had gotten hold of the doll the day before they left. They were understandably disappointed but decided the doll was, by and large, no worse for the wear.
I stared at the Barbie for a minute. She looked so strange at first. So well coiffed, so fitted for her calling, and yet she had a gnawed-off foot. Then I nodded. Not to anyone else really. Just to God. Well, maybe also to Barbie. Though the group didn't know it, they'd hit the nail right on the head, or maybe the leg right on the stump. That was me all right.
No, I don't have a missing leg, but if you could see me with your spiritual eyes, surely at least one of my legs is gnawed off at the knee. Ephesians 4:27 warns, "Do not give the devil a foothold." Uh, too late. Satan has wounded me, but he hasn't devoured me. He got the leg, but he's never gotten the thigh, though goodness knows he wanted it. I may walk with a spiritual limp, but thanks to God, who holds me up and urges me to lean on Him, at least I can walk. So can you. Walk away from that pit before it's the death of you.

Satan has wounded me... oh too many times, but he hasn't and won't devour me. I do walk with a spiritual limp and some days, it just plain hurts. I can get up from here and I can walk on, limping, but walking and when I fall or slip, my Savior picks me up and guides me as I rest on Him. It's usually never the easy thing, but it's the hard thing. Satan's lies are just that... lies. We give him far too much material to work with, but be aware. There's an enemy out there and he wants more than a foot... he wants it all and will stop at nothing to get it. I have be wounded, but by God's grace and redeeming love... I can get up and do the next thing right and never again... be caught in that familiar place.