recovery

I heard a statement the other day I thought was profound.

"If we're honest, aren't we all in recovery from something?"

As simple as it is, it's the absolute truth. We all have things we struggle with and we all have areas of our lives we are in complete detox from. Some are more obvious than others and some may view theirs as more serious. Some may manifest in drug and alcohol recovery or others may simply be from certain relationships. Whatever they are, to each individual they are as serious as the most destructive lifestyle. We think if we call it 'recovery' somehow that makes us weak. Like admitting the problem is admitting we have an issue that is too big for us to handle. It's just like 'us' to feel that way. To feel like sweeping it under the rug is the 'safe' thing. The safe thing is admitting it. When we ignore it's existence, we allow ourselves to be tempted by Satan because we pretend we are bigger than the problem.

For example, there are days I pretend I don't have a problem. Days I pretend that I can exist in the 'party world' and be bigger than the effects it's had on my life when the truth is flirting with disaster could be the end of me. In my twisted way of thinking I imagine that admitting I can't be apart of that world and those people makes me weak. It means that I can't handle that. Unfortunately, that's the point. I can't handle it. Putting on a front and acting like the world is ok and that I can do what I want is the most dangerous thing of all. When I admit I have a problem... when I in essence, admit I need to be in 'recovery' from this lifestyle, I can then have people to hold me accountable and keep me out of that destructive lifestyle.

God's placed people in our life to help us through these times. He's given us people we can trust and that can invest in our lives to help us through the issues we face. Maybe I should start listening to those people more. Satan only needs one chance. When he gets his hooks into you he begins this web of deception and before you know it, you are in so deep you can't see your way out. He feeds of the vulnerability these issues in essence give us. I'm sad to say I know this from much experience.

It's a recovery... a lifelong process of a daily ritual to prevent a destructive lifestyle. It's a lifetime of making sure Satan doesn't get it and that I do everything I can to make sure and protect my life from the schemes of the evil one. The safest place to be is admitting I can't do it alone. Admitting I have a problem and that maybe even though you can handle being apart of that life... I certainly can't. Voicing weakness isn't easy... especially for me. I never want to be called weak, but if I don't admit it, God will eventually break me for my own pride of feeling like I've got this under control. I've already tried... and too many times failed. It seems like a recurring theme all over again... when I am weak, then He is strong. A battle of daily dying to self and remembering that without Him... I am nothing. I think somewhere over the last little while I've forgotten that. It's time to get back into my regular 'detox' meetings. He's given me some great help here on earth. Real people I can talk to and confide in. It's time to own the problem and move on from it... instead of pretending I'm big enough for it, because Lord knows... I've proven I'm not.

bring the rain

I have a new favorite song. It's called 'Bring the Rain' by Mercy Me. If you haven't heard it, you should. Here's the chorus:

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I've been singing this song for weeks. I love what it says... even though it's a hard song to sing I love it. I didn't realize that I might just be praying this while I was singing it.

I'm going through something right now... something I think might be the rain. Some may think it to be very minor in comparison to their 'rain' or think that I am making too big a deal, but in all honesty, it's ripping my heart out. I've done a lot of hurting in my life and I don't like that part of my history. Unfortunately, this could potentially really hurt someone I love very much. I hate that part of this. Even though it's truth... it will still hurt.

This song is bold and the words of it, I don't even think I understand in its entirety. Weeks ago listening to it, I never imagined sitting here in this situation. I think even if we pray that prayer... we certainly aren't out looking for the 'rain'. For me, this time right now is rain, but I believe with all my heart that God will receive the glory for this. I certainly don't know how and I don't know when it will be seen, but I do believe that He will receive it.

In the midst of troubles and trials, it's easy to get down and easy to be discouraged. I'm pretty sure I'll have many more days of that, but what an amazing God we serve. He knows everything about us, and He knows the trials He places in our lives and the reason behind them. I believe He has placed this situation in my life so that He may receive the glory for it somehow and I want to believe Him for it. Although it's not always easy to praise Him in that rain... it sure is worth trying to.

I laughed til it hurts...

My stomach muscles are sore. I could explain, but it would never make sense. It was a time filled with those 'you had to be there' moments. There's something about those times that make you never want to leave. You want to completely and totally rest in them. You just want to sit... and take it all in.

I have a friend. I have an amazing friend and I think that our entire relationship is made of 'you had to be there' moments. Those are the kind of friends you just don't always find. You never search them out and you never pick them... they just happen. They show up at that right moment when you completely need them. That's this friend.

I'm finding myself very thankful tonight. I'm thankful for what God's given me in a friend and who He's placed in my life. He knows how hard I prayed for a good Christian friend that I could count and after weekends like this, I'm reminded of how blessed I am to have her in my life. It's the best of both worlds to have a friend who's shoulder you can cry on and the next you can be laughing so hard with you can't breathe.

I guess when you've lost things in your life and you get second chances at good things, it teaches you to be grateful for them. I think that's where I am. I never want to take these good things for granted because I know what it's like to have them all ripped away. I never want to become so flippant about a special relationship that I forget it's just that... special.

So after two weekends with my amazing friend- weekends of drive bys, laughter, fun, being left in the rain, dancing and insane silliness... I'm just simply grateful. I'm glad I've got a friend. Because for a long time I didn't... and to have one... it feels pretty freakin' amazing.

and we are raised to walk in the newness of life...

Yes. That's a pool. Yes. It's on a baseball field between first and second base. Yes. It's a baptism. And yes. I know him. Our church does a huge baptism every year. They usually do it at a camp, but they've grown too large and this year they did it at the city's minor league baseball stadium. Yes. You read it right.

It was a major event. It was cool because I hadn't ever seen anything like this done before, but it was even more special because of the person in this picture who was getting baptized. This is my boyfriend, Kyle. Kyle's an amazing guy. He's one of the nicest guys I know and would do anything in the world for me. This event was major for me because he was proclaiming in front of God and 3000 people at a baseball stadium that he believed God was his Savior.

I was saved when I was 9. I was baptized shortly after and so my conversion wasn't a huge ordeal for me. Yeah, it was great, but by 9 I hadn't fully had the chance to screw up my life just enough yet! Standing in front of a church wasn't this major humbling experience. Kyle had lived his life thinking he was saved as many do. He attended church regularly and lived an overall good life. Nothing made him think any differently. Until one moment in a service at church he realized it was more than that. Maybe there was something else to all this... there was a Savior he needed. Maybe he couldn't really do this on his own. As I sat in the stands watching, I saw a strong, independent man who stood alone on a field surrounded by thousands. He stood proudly in his decision, but humbly in the knowledge that he did in fact need a Savior and he need a Lord in his life. At 28 years old he decided to proclaim that need for a Savior in front of a crowd of 3000 people and show... I can't do this alone. If this isn't a picture of surrender, I don't know what is.

None of this is to pat Kyle on the back or give him the glory when we know it's all God's. It's simply showing us that it is all about surrender. It's about admitting that we do in fact need a Savior. We all can't do it alone and some days we need to be reminded. I was saved and baptized at 9 and some days I just simply forget it. Watching 441 people who made that commitment decided to go public with it... made me remember it quickly. For some the sweetest moment may have been when a small child came back up with the cool water pouring off their face. For another it may have been locking arms and being baptized together with their spouse. A special moment for all was the 80 year old man went in who could barely make it into one of the pools but did not dare leave without being fully covered in the clear cool water. But for me, the special moment was when I saw my guy, fully soaked, knowing it's only just water, but knowing how much more the symbol really means. At the end of the day, it's not what will happen tomorrow, or what decisions we'll make by the end of the year or where we will live, it's that I know where we'll both end up in the very end... and it's definitely together.

Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. Romans 6:4

Everything

My best friend sent me this video this morning. It's one of the most powerful things I've ever seen. Watch it all the way through. It's an amazing representation of Christ's love and how real the temptations we face are.

The No. 1 Enemy of Believers

Tonight I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated about a lot of things. Many of which I tried to run and fight out in 3 straight hours of basketball. It didn't work. The more I played, the madder I got. While there are many things on my heart, I am only going to talk about one. Most will say the answer to the title is other believers. While I believe they can be, I think religion is at the top of the list. I believe religion is the number 1 enemy of believers.

Somewhere along the line I think we've lost the point. We have a religion to ok whatever we feel at that moment. If we don't like something about one, we find a new one. We've lost sight of simply being a believer. Simply accepting Jesus into our hearts and lives and living for Him. How much more difficult are we making it? If you do studies on religion, most have come because someone got mad... so they made a new one. Check it out... it's true. Is religion sending people to hell?

I have something that's really bothering me and I want to be very vague about the people I'm talking about... no names, no relationships will be given. Someone in my family is working on changing their life. They recently got saved and they are going to be baptized in 2 weeks. Praise God! This decision was made entirely by this person and their own admission of their sin and their need for a Savior. This person grew up in a religion that believes you are saved upon baptism... and that's done as a child. That's it... period. No age of recognition, no salvation... sprinkled water and enter into heaven. I've always been fascinated by this belief. Where they find this to be biblically sound, I don't know. When this person told their other family about their salvation and baptism, they were criticized - not questioned about why, criticized.

I almost don't know what to say. Where do we miss what the Bible says? Let's take a look at Romans 10:9-10 - "9 If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved. " I'm not here to debate salvation and what constitutes it, because only a person can know for himself, but it's written clearly in the scripture. My real problem is that religion is sending people to hell. We've created religions to tell us what we want to hear. Where do we miss the boat? If we sit and say that sprinkling water on a baby is my ticket to heaven then what was the point of Jesus dying on Calvary? Where is our point of recognition for our sins and our need to cry out to a Savior?

I have adopted a saying recently that I love. 'Reject Religion - Embrace Jesus'. I agree with that with all of my heart. I was broken tonight when this person sat across from me with tear-filled eyes... because his religion no longer meets up with this other part of his family. Where have we lost it? Where have we screwed it up? Instead of rejoicing with our brothers and sisters, we are offended because it doesn't line up with our 'religion manual'. I know I'm all over the place tonight, but I'm frustrated. I'm annoyed that the Christian community cannot join together. Instead, we pick petty arguments because whatever beliefs we have adopted don't seem to line up when what we should be doing... is following what God gave us - the Bible. The question isn't does it line up with what WE think... does it line up with what GOD thinks? He gave us the manual and instead of picking it up and following it... we make up whatever's easiest for us and whatever fits our needs. I'm not a fan of 'religion' anymore. I think church is important and being apart of a corporate body does wonders for your walk with Christ. I'm not saying 'Community Church' is the best and one that has a religion 'name' on the door is bad. I just think we need to know what we're practicing. Is the church I'm in based on the Bible and what the Bible says? I don't want to be labeled with religion. I simply want to be known as a believer, Christ follower, lover of Jesus. I want for people to look at my life and see Christ... not my religion.

Ephesians 2: 8-9
8 God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. 9 Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.

To Help Those That Don't Want It

Have you found yourself at that place? Are there those people in your life that you are desperate to help, but they don't want it? They don't find it necessary to be helped and instead of trying to to change they would rather stay on that destructive path? That's the place I feel in tonight. I feel like that one wanting to help that lost soul, but with no clue how to. I've been on the other side. I've been on that path of destruction and more pain I caused myself, in some sick way, the better I felt. When you've been to that place, you don't ever want anyone to have to feel that pain and hurt. When you've lived it, you want to save everyone you can from it.

How do you help those that have no desire to be helped? When do you step in and try to take over and when do you trust God enough to take care of His children? It's such a difficult balance and I don't know what side of that I stand on tonight. It's a constant battle. Where is the line of God wanting you to intervene crossed with the line of your own agenda?

I have one brother. One brother that I love so deeply and I don't know how to help. He's on a path of destruction and I don't know what to do for him. It's the most helpless I've ever felt. I don't know when my role is to step in and try to fix it and when I'm supposed to pray from a far. Is praying my cop out way of not tackling the issue straight on? Do I use prayer as a crutch so I don't have to confront the hard stuff? It's a hard battle I'm having trouble fighting tonight. Part of me wants to throw in the towel and say 'I've done all I can... the rest is up to him'... While another part of me wants to scream and yell at him and beg him to get his life together because I'm afraid the next time a phone rings it's to tell me he's dead.

I've been in his shoes. As I sit looking back I wish someone would have stepped into my life before it got so bad. I wish someone would have grabbed me by the face and told me what a mess I was making of my life. Sure, I look back now and think that... but would I have felt that way at the time? How would I have reacted to someone trying to step in then? I had a friend that I hadn't spoken to in years tell me they had to step away from me because they knew I wouldn't listen to them. They knew I had to find my own way.

Does he have to find his own way? How do you know the answer? If I try to step in will it push him further down this path and cause more damage if I just pray God's protection over him? What a delicate balance and a tough question I'm asking myself tonight. I do believe God honors the prayers of His saints and many times can answer a prayer many years down the road from when it's prayed, but I also believe God's prayers require some action.

So that's where I sit tonight. Confused between outward action and inward action. Do I try and fight this battle or do I allow the angels and demons to fight this one out? It's a fight I can't figure out, but I do know if I ever got that phone call... I could never ever forgive myself... for making the wrong choice.