A Beautiful Offering

I started a new Bible Study tonight. I knew God wanted me to take this study and I'd heard lots of great things about it, but I wasn't exactly sure why. I didn't know that the reason would slap me in the face the first night of the study. The lady who wrote the study's name is Angela Thomas. She shares her difficulties and her struggles in order to help us understand that our lives-broken, tarnished, ragged, or torn-can still become a beautiful offering to Him.

I've had some situations happen recently in which I've felt like people won't let me forget who I used to be. This is what I dealt with at home and I thought coming here would rid me of that. Instead, I feel as though there are those that know my past and are sitting on the sidelines waiting on me to fail. I've done everything in my power to try and prove I'm not that person anymore or I've lost focus of my purpose because I'm too busy trying to not fail. Why is my time spent worrying about what those people think of me... instead of already knowing who God says I am?

I've already done it. I've had my life of ugly, ragged and torn... I've been broken, battered and ugly. Yes I've been there... but I've also taken that broken life and knelt with it at the throne of grace. If I hold onto it do I truly understand grace? If I don't accept who God has made me do I miss that amazing gift of unmerited favor? Yes, I do. If my God, my Savior, My King... can forgive me... I must also forgive myself. My broken life has changed me... if allow God to do a work. Maybe in my brokenness, in my filth... I can lead someone to the foot of the cross that wouldn't relate to anything but the ragged life God chose to use for an offering.

The path is often painful... it was never promised to be easy and you often find yourself places you never imagined. One quote from the study is my favorite: When you go to the distant country, it costs everything you never intended to give. Amen. How true that anything worth having is worth fighting for. I never imagined my shattered life would have me end up here. I didn't know God's plan and his purpose. Most days I still don't. However, I do know that my Savior has taken my ashes, my rags of filth and my broken, tainted life... and used it for beauty. For a beautiful offering that will bring glory to His name. Father thank you, please continue to allow me to trade these ashes in for beauty.

To Those Special People In My Life...

"I thank my God every time I remember you." Philippians 1:3

I hope you are blessed to have special people in your life. The people that make your world a better place just because they are in it. I've been dealing with some somewhat troubling times lately... times I could have just given up and thrown the towel in, but I didn't... because I had people right beside me cheering me on. People that told me I could do it.

There are people that pretend to be your friends. There are others who say they are your friends, but their friendship consists of ways to tear you down. There are even more who are you friends when it's convenient for them and to see what they can get out of being your friend... what can you do for them? Then there's that one person... that one special person who is your friend just because. They know all about you... yet they love you anyway. Sometimes there's more than one... and I'm lucky to have a couple. A couple people in my life who love me for me. They believe in me and are confident in who I am and who God's made me. They don't judge me... they build me up and the make me want to be a better person. They hold me to a higher standard and make me feel happy to be who I am because that's the way they like me... flaws and all.

It's those people I want to thank... they know who they are. They've stood by me and behind me and on more than one occasion picked me up. They are often right behind me pushing me forward and urging me to continue on. When the certain ones of the world come against me, they come against them. They call me or e-mail me in the middle of the day just to remind me they are praying for me and they remind me who God has told me I am... not who the world tells me I am. They never put me down and instead lift me up... often at their own expense. These people are my heroes. I love them and I'm proud to be able to call them my friends and I can promise you... if I could choose anyone to be on my side fighting... I would choose to have these people fighting right beside me. Thank you, I love you guys.

He's baaaaccckkkkk!!

My friend's adorable little 9 year old boy, who also happens to be a spitfire, went down to his friend's house to play the other day. They had some old wood and were building things. He came home with a cross that he had put together and painted and a little stick figure he had put together that was Jesus. On it, he put 'He's back'. He told his mom that he knew that Jesus being on the cross had made her sad and he didn't want her to be sad because he's back! I know... all together now... 'Awwwwwww'. Doesn't get much sweeter than that does it?

It's really rather simple. Jesus is back, but yet we choose to live life in defeat. We choose to live like we don't have hope and that Jesus hasn't won the battle. Sometimes we look at the picture and we forget the ending. How could we? Jesus died, yes... and it should make us sad... very sad, but he also rose again. He truly is 'back'. We don't have to live in defeat. We can live in victory. Short, sweet and simple today. Next time you feel defeated remember a little boy reminding his mom she doesn't have to be sad... because Jesus is back. It's so true... from the mouths of babes.

The success of failure

Sounds like an oxymoron doesn't it? One of my favorite quotes of all time is from Michael Jordan (imagine that).

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." ~Michael Jordan

While I believe only true failure comes from quitting, I love this idea. I love it and I get it. Michael Jordan wasn't the greatest player ever in basketball because he won championships, scoring titles, dunk competitions and took the game to another level. He was the greatest player because of what he overcame to get the those places. True success cannot be met without obstables on the course to that success.

I'm coaching a girls basketball team right now. They are the coolest group of girls. God couldn't have given me a better group. My age group is junior high so a lot of what we do in practice is for them to learn the game. The game starts with fundamentals and much of what I teach them they will carry to their high school days and if I miss something, they will be behind on the high school level. I love coaching. I believe it's my true passion in life. I love to play, but there's something about teaching these girls to love the game that gets my blood pumping. I want them to love it like I do and I want them to win. I want them to want to win.

I used to think winning was everything. To this day, I hate to lose anything. God has shown me through coaching these girls that winning isn't everything. The true measure of success isn't met by what that scoreboard says... it's what they give with their heart.

Success is an interesting thought. When am I successful? Sure, when I do something well or I excel in something, but can I understand my true success if I haven't first failed? I know for my life, the greatest success I've experienced was previously met by one of the most grueling battles I've fought... and lost. I don't know and understand the value of success from the mountaintop... I know it from the valley I was in before that mountain top. The principle doesn't just apply to sports or a job. What about success in our Christian walk? When we mess up and experience God's grace yet one more time, we can understand what it really feels like to be successful. It's the same theme all over again... for his power is perfected in weakness. When I am weak, then he is strong. Seems like that lesson keeps following me around wherever I go.

Crash and Burn

I feel like I've been truly initiated into a Michigan/Indiana winter. Last night we had a little bit of snow and a whole lot of ice. This morning my car decided to get in a fight with it. Needless to say, my car didn't win. I hit ice and spun my car around into a ditch. Not fun. The car had to be towed and I'm awaiting the list of damages. I don't think it's pretty.

Over and over today I heard one basic thing... thank God you're not hurt. It's true. The way I hit, what my car did (it tried to flip, but the bank was too high)... it's incredible that there's nothing wrong with me. The people behind me ran over to me because they thought I cracked my head open and while I had a little of a headache... not even a bump.

After I got my rental car today (which thank the Lord my insurance covered) I drove by where the accident happened. I was naturally a bit shaken, but I paid attention to what was before and after the exact spot I hit. If I had hit before I actually did, I would have flipped my car because it was an open field. If I had hit after, I would have crashed into a group of trees. I almost broke down in tears. It doesn't matter where we are or what situation we are in... we are never out of our Father's reach. When I wrecked my car today, it wasn't a shock to God. He wasn't suprised to see me take a spin and crash into the ditch. He knew and he guided every moment of it and every movement my body made. Only by his divine grace did I not receive injury. Only by his doing was there not another car on the road that I could have hit. From the lady stopping and waiting with me til the police got there to the insurance covering my car rental... I see God. Whatever happened to me today, God was there. There are a million scenarios that could have happened today. Regardless, God was in control and as long as I'm under the hand of the Savior, I'm as safe in a spinning car as I am sitting in my house tonight. God is good... all the time. If we're willing to accept the easy times, we have to be willing to accept those times life just doesn't feel to go 'our' way. I guess that's the point... our ways aren't his ways... and He's never been wrong.

I just can't fix it...

Do you have those people in your life that you would move the world for? The ones that have touched your heart in such a way and are so special for you there's nothing you wouldn't do for them? Do you have people that feel that way about you? People that have sacrificed so much for you and for what would make you happy? I'm so blessed to have both sets of people in my life. There are those that I know would give their life for me. There are those that I know would stand up and try to keep me from hurt that someone might cause me. There are also those that I'd do the same in return for and I'd settle for nothing less than kicking some one's tail that's trying to hurt them. I think the coolest thing about it is that for the most part, they are the same people. The same people that would stand up for me are those that I'd stand up for.

That's not where the hard part is for me. I'm fine with standing up to help with people's battles and do everything I can't to cause people not to hurt. My hard part is when life throws those things at those people I love. When those people I love are working so hard to get their lives together and things happen that I can't control. When is it too much? Well of course the answer is never. I know God never gives us more than we can handle, but do we really genuinely believe that? I don't think we do. We've all had those moments when we wake up and think we can't possibly take another step because if we do we will surely die. It's in those moments that we find out who we truly are and our character is either made or broken. I'm fine with dealing with the hard things I'm dealt, but I hate having to see those I love and care about so much go through it. I hate knowing the world of those that I love is crumbling down and there's nothing I can do about it. If you know me at all, you know I love control and being out of it isn't something I like. That's where this issue hits home with me. The trials and hardships my closest friends face, I can't control. I can't make my brother ok. I can't fix his problems and make him have a relationship with God. I can't control the things his mind has seen that haunt him everyday. I can't help my friend dealing with broken relationships and friendships that once existed. I can't provide comfort for a friend that feels they have no one left. I won't be able to make my friends ex-husband disappear or erase the pain he's caused and I'll never be able to make someone that's hurt her so deeply not show up to a meeting she doesn't even belong at to begin with. I simply can't... and I hate it.

I can't fix it, but guess what? I know the one who can. I'm on a first name basis with the one that created my friends and knows the number of hairs on each other their heads and guess what? God never wastes our pain (a very wise man said that!). It's not my job to fix my friends problems or to make them go away. Sure I want to snap the neck of anyone that causes them pain, but that's not my job. I'm supposed to show them the one that can and I'm supposed to pray for them. Even though there are days I don't like it, the strongest battle I can fight is on my knees. It's not about being in control or having the power to change it. If I really could I would surely screw it up! I'm to lift them in prayer... pray that God would lavish his love and his peace over them. There are so many days that I want to be in control and that I want that power, but there are even more days that I know if I did it would be disaster. So that's me today, praying for my friends and praying God provides them with unspeakable peace and joy. That he puts his arms around them and they feel his presence. I'm sure I'll need to be reminded that I'm out of control yet again... perhaps in just a couple of hours!

My dad...

There's this connection between daddy's and their little girls. It always seems there's a special connection with moms and their boys, too but the daddy/daughter factor is a beautiful thing. I love my dad... he's always be been my hero and my knight in shining armor. He was my coach, my leader, my pastor... he's my daddy. He's been there for me even when I didn't realize that he was or care to pay attention.

Somewhere in the bustle of life, my dad and I kind of 'lost' a bit of our connection. The details aren't important, but the lesson from the story was most valuable. Instead of remembering the times my dad was there for me, I chose to pick out the one time I felt like he let me down. I forgot that he, too was in fact human. I guess a little part of me thought he was perfect. I knew God's grace was sufficient for me and that I needed that grace, why was my dad any different? I could deal with my screw ups (and there were many), but somehow I thought he wasn't allowed to screw up. I was quickly reminded that while I'm a girl in need of a Savior... my daddy was just another boy in need of a Savior.

Over the past couple of months my dad and I have had a chance to reconnect with one another. Day by day and moment by moment, we've gotten little bits of that relationship back that I took for granted. My Christmas at home was great and I felt like we were truly a 'family' again. Today I got an e-mail from him. It was so special to me and I sat here reading it with tears streaming down my face. I'd like to share a portion of that with you:

I am grateful for your direction upward and the drive outward. I know you can do anything. You have been special since your first breath. I will be praying for your quest and that your life be safe. I love you baby and miss you greatly. Keep your head up and see the floor. The open opportunities are always in the gap. love, Dad

Keep your head up and see the floor... those words make me smile! I remember him telling me that every time I hit the basketball court. The open opportunities are always in the gap... how true is this statement? While the pass is always the open opportunity in the gap, life's the same way. I have learned so many things from my dad and I continue to do so... just in a simple e-mail. I don't want to take my relationship with him for granted anymore. I don't want to have to move 1200 miles away to find out just how special he is to me. To have a dad that prays for you... and a dad that believes in you... it doesn't get much better than that!

Dads, remember every opportunity you have to pour into your daughter's life is a special moment in which she can learn from you... and she loves you and is proud of you... even when you lose your cool points! Daughters, remember to never forget to tell your daddy just how much he means to you... don't wake up having to lose him to find out just how special he really was.

My dad, my hero, my #1 coach forever... I love you and am so proud to call you MY daddy!